Our Fertility Journey

I’ve been wanting to write a blog about our fertility journey for quite a while now. It was unlike anything we thought it would be. The complete opposite actually. So let’s start from the very beginning…

Zach and I have always wanted a large family. So, in April of 2020, we decided it was time to start a family together. I thought it would come easy, I think both of us did. After trying for around 6 months, we were wondering what in the world was going on. We talked to my OBGYN and got her opinion on the matter. She gave us some advice, told us sometimes it takes up to a year for couples to get pregnant the first time, so just keep trying! This was one of the most difficult times during our journey. Because of the long period of time that we were trying to conceive, it took all romantic aspects out of the picture. Scheduling times to try, while I was trying to figure out when I would ovulate by peeing on ovulation sticks, doesn’t exactly scream “romantic”. This was the part of our journey when Zach and I figured out that if we were going to go through this, we needed to do it together. So we changed our mindset and continued on.

While trying to conceive, Zach had noticed some pain he was having and it made both of us concerned. First of all, that he was in pain. And second of all, could this be a reason we haven’t conceived? So we made him an appointment at a urology clinic. One thing everyone should know is how unbelievably uncomfortable a urology office is, especially at Zach’s age. That was the first step we had to take in order to find out what was truly going on with Zach. After going to multiple uncomfortable appointments with a doctor who had the worst bedside manner we have ever experienced, we discovered he had what’s called a “varicocele” in one of his testicles. More simply put, a varicose vein. While it does cause pain, it could also potentially heat up the sperm which in return could affect motility. After discovering this, we thought maybe this was the reason we weren’t getting pregnant? We decided to schedule a surgery for Zach in February of 2021 to alleviate the pain and potential issue. This was extremely hard to watch Zach go through. Because like I said, the urology office was not comforting. It’s already humiliating enough to go to the urologist as a man, but when the doctor has very poor bedside manner, it only made the situation more uncomfortable. Zach did not have the most caring doctor by any means. But, unfortunately he was one of the only doctors who performed this type of surgery in the area, so we had no choice. Once he had his surgery, we were told to try for 6 more months. We felt like we were never going to become parents, but with him having surgery, it gave us a little sense of hope. 

Six months went by, and during those months I did testing for myself. I went and had an HSG test done, which is simply a test to “clean out” my fallopian tubes if there is any mucus or build up in them. Right after I had that test done, the woman who helped me said, “Go home and try to get pregnant, I would be very surprised if you aren’t pregnant after doing this testing today.” Zach and I were so excited to hear such positive news, but months and months went by and still nothing. 

At the end of 2021, we had to make the choice to either keep trying with little to no hope, or seek out a fertility clinic—somewhere a couple never wants to have to go. We did some research, and found a fertility clinic about an hour and a half away from our house.

We scheduled our first meeting with Dr. Montville at Tennessee Fertility Institute in November of 2021. We had a consult first, just to get to know each other and tell him about our story so far. He was extremely comforting, and made us feel like we definitely chose the right place. After our consult, we were ready to move forward. 

Once starting at the fertility clinic, it was so foreign to us. But we quickly learned the lingo. After multiple genetic tests and samples, we were ready to begin the IUI process. An IUI is essentially when the fertility clinic takes over my cycle. I begin medication to produce a dominant follicle (egg), and once they see a dominant egg and see that I am about to ovulate, you then do what’s called a trigger shot. Once you have done the trigger shot, it ensures you will ovulate. From there, you go back into the clinic one or two days after. Zach would go in first thing in the morning to give his sample, and then a couple hours later I would go in for the actual IUI. They would inject the sperm exactly where it needs to go, in hopes of reaching the dominant follicle and resulting in a pregnancy. 

The waiting time is the same as it is with a natural pregnancy. About two weeks. One thing about me is that my cycles have always been right on time, I have never missed one. This is the biggest blessing honestly through all of this. But with having right on time cycles, we always learned quickly if the IUI was successful or not. But each month, my cycle would come, and we would be extremely disappointed. 

We tried 4 IUIs and all were unsuccessful. The IUI process was honestly one of the hardest times during our journey. The waiting, then hoping, then the disappointment was so much to bare. Were we ever going to get pregnant or was it just not in the cards for us to have our own biological children? Although discouraging thoughts consumed our minds, we remained hopeful and clung to the promise that The Lord works together for the good of those who love Him. So we kept looking forward.

After deciding IVF was the next chapter, we were excited and hopeful yet again. During all of the time trying so far, we took a lot of trips to help cope with reality. Zach is super into travel hacking, so thankfully all of our trips were free. Thank goodness. 

In July of 2022, we began injections for IVF. I was nervous, overwhelmed, anxious, and scared for what these injections may do to my body. But if it meant having a baby of our own, I was willing to do anything. Let me quickly explain IVF before we continue. 

What is IVF? 

IVF is In-Vitro Fertilization. You start with injections that last about 2 weeks. These injections are to help your body produce as many eggs as possible. After the injections, you then do what’s called an egg retrieval. This is when they go in, and extract all of the eggs from your ovaries. 

Our Journey of IVF: 

Let it be known, we did our entire round of IVF in our camper, which made it quite the experience, haha. We began injections on July 1st of 2022, and ended on July 13th of 2022. I took 3 injections each night, 2 in my stomach and 1 in my thigh. I’m not even kidding, I looked about 3-4 months pregnant due to all of the eggs that were in my ovaries. It was crazy! On the 13th, I had my egg retrieval scheduled and on the same day, Zach gave his sample as well. Once the egg retrieval was complete, we went home and just prayed for good results. At this point, I wasn’t even sure I had viable eggs, since the egg retrieval is really the only way to check that. 

We got a call that afternoon with our results and it was the best news ever. We had huge success with the egg retrieval and Zachs numbers were amazing as well, which we already knew from doing IUIs. Go babe! Haha! We fertilized a certain amount of my eggs on the same day of retrieval and then we waited. 

Over the course of a few days, they would call us to update us on how our embryos were doing and how many made it to each stage. It’s all very confusing, haha, but we were learning something new!

After all was said and done, we froze our cute little embryos, and then I rested for a few months before the actual transfer. 

It felt like a lifetime before we did our transfer. We just couldn’t wait! Leading up to the actual transfer, I began taking estrogen and 5 days before the actual transfer, I began taking progesterone shots. Let me tell ya, these are no joke. Progesterone is mixed with sesame oil which means the needle has to be thicker. The injection goes right into the muscle of my butt, and they are just extremely unpleasant. We had to do them at night, which meant we had quite a routine once we got started. 

On September 30th, 2022, we transferred our first embryo (photos below). It was the coolest experience. Zach and I arrived to the fertility clinic and I quickly got changed into a nice gown complete with a hairnet, and Zach got changed into scrubs. We went back and waited to be called into the transfer room. They let us pick what song we wanted to listen to, so we chose Ben Rector. When it was go time, I walked in, laid down on the table, and then Zach got to SEE our embryo under a microscope! On the day of the transfer, they thaw the embryo, and as soon as it begins thawing, it begins to hatch. Zach says that’s exactly what it looked like! Crazy! 

Once they transferred the embryo into my uterus, it was done. We were sent home and then it was time to wait. 

On October 12th, 2022, we found out for the first time that we were pregnant. News we never thought we would hear. I had gone in that morning to have my blood drawn, and one of the nurses we had grown close to at the clinic was the one who called to tell us the news. It was truly the best day ever. On the day of transfer, Zach and I requested to get the gender inside an envelope so we could find out together what we were going to have after we found out we were pregnant of course. Side note: they know the gender of all our embryos, HOW CRAZY?!

Finding out we are pregnant for the first time after they called. We couldn’t believe it.

We couldn’t wait to know the gender, so we played a little game and found out it was a boy. A sweet little boy. We were so excited! 

On October 25th we went in for our first ultrasound. Our little baby looked like a peanut, and we were just so proud! We saw the heart fluttering and felt like we were finally going to have a baby. 

On November 4, 2022, we went in for our last appointment at the fertility clinic. When our doctor began the ultrasound, he said “There’s two..” And Zach said, “Two of what?!” And our doctor replied with, “Two babies, you’re having twins.” 

The twins’ ultrasound.

We could not believe what we had just heard. Twins?! How is that even possible? We only transferred one single embryo. It was a less than 2% chance of this happening. We’ve never been so shocked, but we were excited and couldn’t wait to tell our families. The next 19 days were some of the best days that Zach and I will cherish forever. There was so much joy and so much anticipation for what we thought was coming. I thank the Lord He gave us those joyful days.

Being twins, we had to also go to a high risk doctor in addition to my OBGYN. On November 23rd, we went to our first high risk doctors appointment. It had been a while since we saw the twins, and we were extremely anxious to find out how they were doing. We waited for a while before we were called back, and then we finally made our way into the ultrasound room. 

They began the ultrasound, and at that point I was 10 weeks or so, maybe a little more. As soon as she started the ultrasound, I felt something was wrong. She went over both babies and tried to hear the heartbeats, but nothing. We heard nothing. The room was silent. The technician wasn’t saying anything, but we were holding on to what little hope we had that maybe they were okay. We had never been through anything like this before.

Once the ultrasound was over, the woman left the room and Zach and I just looked at each other so confused and scared. We waited for a lady to come get us and take us to the consultation room, a room I now hate. As we sat there, the lady said, “I am so sorry, but we did not find a heartbeat in either baby.” Our hearts were broken. Why in the world was this happening? We had come so far to get to this point. You never think you’ll be the one to have a miscarriage until you are. 

We left the appointment and wept. We had to make the painful conversations to our parents and we were just numb. We lost our twin boys.

After discovering this terrible news, we were sent back to the fertility clinic and had to schedule a D&C to have the babies removed. Zach and I both barely remember this time of our lives. I think in a way, the Lord numbs you from pain so you can just keep living as best as you can. 

On November 30th, 2022, I had our babies removed. It was a weird feeling of not wanting the surgery, but also desperately wanting the surgery. It also fell on Zach’s birthday, which was definitely not ideal. After the surgery was complete, we felt like we could finally grieve and try to cope with what had just happened. The holidays didn’t make it better. I didn’t want to be with people, while Zach did. Figuring out how each other grieves and deals with loss was a learning curve, but it also brought us so much closer as a couple. I remember a specific night I woke up around 3am, and just wept. I couldn’t believe the reality we were living in, but I have never been more thankful for my husband than during those days. We had to lean on each other, and we are so much stronger because of it.

Looking back at all we have been through, I truly know the Lord walked us through all of it in order to prepare us for this moment, the moment of loss. All of the trying, the failed IUIs, going through IVF and then the miscarriage made us so much stronger together. I wasn’t the only one going through a miscarriage, Zach was too. He was the only one that truly knew how I felt. 

We wanted to do something to honor our twins each year, so we decided to get Chinese lanterns and light them in memory of our boys. Last year we lit two lanterns in honor of them, and we plan to do it every year. They will live in our hearts forever, and we have so much comfort knowing they are resting in the arms of Jesus. How amazing that they got to skip earth and run straight to the One who holds it.

From November until the beginning of the year, we spent that time processing and grieving and just being together. Through a lot of this journey, one of the ways that has helped us cope with each failure or bad news and even our loss of the twins, has been traveling. It has helped us to escape from reality for a second and just grow with each other. Since that is Zachs favorite hobby, it’s been a blessing to be able to travel for free during this time of our lives.  

Our trip to Hawaii in January of 2023, just a few months before our second transfer!

We took a couple trips before we began the process for our next transfer. In March of 2023, I started taking estrogen again, and we were ready to move forward. On May 10th, 2023, we transferred our sweet baby girl. Zach got to see her under the microscope, and sure enough, she was hatching right before his eyes. We chose Phil Wickham to play during this transfer, and I can’t begin to explain the energy that was in the room. We could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. God was moving and working. Zach said a quick prayer before the transfer and then they put our sweet girl inside me. At this time, we did not know the gender yet, but we always had a feeling since the beginning of that transfer that it was a girl. 

Instead of waiting to hear back from my bloodwork, we took a pregnancy test one day before. We wanted it to feel somewhat normal this time and find out like everyone else does! 

Finding out we’re pregnant with baby girl.

On May 21st, 2023, we found out we were pregnant again. Joy washed over us yet again, but this time we were a little more anxious, especially after experiencing a miscarriage. 

We opened the gender envelope together and sure enough, it read, “Congratulations, it’s a girl!” Our sweet rainbow baby. We couldn’t believe it. 

At this time, I was about 5 weeks pregnant. When I was 6 weeks pregnant I began having medium-heavy bleeding. It was at night, and we were sure we had lost her. Zach and I felt that gut wrenching feeling all over again. How could this be happening again? 

We went in the next morning, certain that we were going to hear the news that I had lost the baby. My doctor began the ultrasound, and he said “There’s a pregnancy.” WHAT?! How?! Come to find out, I had what’s called a “subchorionic hematoma”, which is essentially bleeding on the outer lining of my uterus. It was terrifying, but something that would hopefully not affect baby girl. Our sister in law, Beccah, had also experienced this during one of her pregnancies, so she helped me in SO many ways. Shoutout to Beccah!! After all was said and done, the bleeding finally stopped after 11 weeks and I haven’t had any bleeding since. Praise Jesus. 

I am now currently 25 weeks pregnant and we finally feel comfortable. It’s a hard journey of going through a miscarriage and then getting pregnant again. The fear and anxiety that comes with each appointment cannot be described. But thank you Jesus for your promise of this little girl. We have been so blessed. Even though the miscarriage was hard, we are thankful for the path that the Lord has led us on in order to help others who have been through or are going through a similar experience. Always remember that everyone’s story is different, and you never know exactly how someone else feels. Without even knowing it, people around you may be facing their most difficult days. My greatest advice? Just be there, that was the best thing our community did for us. 

Our sweet little girlsie 💗

If you ever want to reach out to us, please don’t hesitate. We are always here to talk or just be a listening ear!

with love,

Kyndle + Zach